Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
