your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
pray to the hookup gods
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
