Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
