We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
