I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
