She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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