i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
