Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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