I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
