Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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