Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
