She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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