New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
