There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
