Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
