I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
