Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
