weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
