My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
