please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
