he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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