Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
