Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
