1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
