just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
did i walk over a car last night?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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