he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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