He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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