do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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