i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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