I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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