just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
