my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
