MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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