Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
