I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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