im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
