i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
