; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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