STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
