Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
