My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
