I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
