It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
