Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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