im having a threesome with these popsicles
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
