i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
