where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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