So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
