I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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