hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
