My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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