Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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