I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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