I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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