she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
