I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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