I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
